WALKOUT

1) The crowded train accelerated unexpectedly. A man with a large camping backpack, pillows and water bottles dangling from its sides like Christmas ornaments, shifted awkwardly and whacked the backpack into a large fellow. “Hey, buddy” the man said loud enough for the whole car to hear, “why don’t you take that thing off?” People looked at him disdainfully, like a tourist. He got off at the very next stop and had to walk 45 minutes home.

2) The scruffy man turned on his portable radio to listen to the baseball game. It was the bottom of the ninth. People crowded around to listen. “Annnnnd the Yankees win,” the announcer said. People cheered and jeered. A businessman angrily grabbed the radio and threw it out the train doors at the next stop. The scruffy man and the businessman locked arms, tumbling out the doors after the radio, dancing like spiders, trading awkward blows as everyone watched on, each subconsciously deciding in their minds how evil to make the businessman in the story for later tonight.

3) “And then I said to him, ‘But I promised my friends there would be lasers.’ So we did! We got a fucking laser for the party! Can you believe it? We were $4,000 in debt, we had charges on like eight credit cards, but he said, ‘We need to do this infomercial! We’ll pretend it’s a party, and people will dance, and we’ll sell the salsa DVDs. This is brilliant.’ I swear, he said it. This. Is. Brilliant. But the saddest thing is, the space we rented, it was all windows, so we couldn’t even use the laser! I know, the guy at the store asked me what we were using it for, and he told me about the windows thing. So we ended up just pointing the laser at the wall. It was ridiculous! We had smoke machines, and all his fat friends who are just awful salsa dancers, but we invited them anyway ‘cuz they’d make us look like good dancers in the video by comparison, this is his logic by the way, and then the guy who gave us the money for the project, oh man, got sooo scammed, I almost feel bad for him except I ended up getting a PSP for my Christmas bonus… Oh, I didn’t tell you that?! Yeah, we’re $4,000 in debt and he bought us all PSPs and video iPods! So yeah, the patron so to say and his friend were there, wondering where the fuck his two-hundred thou went, and here we are, we’d rented out this mini helicopter… Yes, no, no, yes. It was in the room. Literally. No, not literally like Joyce, but literally literally. No, he was not a midget. Yes, he sat in it, just like the real thing, except room-sized. It was in the room. And we let his friend fly it around ‘cuz we know he likes helicopters, and the patron guys eyes just lit up and, oh, we’re about to enter the tunnel, I’ll call you back.” She got off at the next stop and that was that.

4) She took up two seats. Another woman took offense. There was an argument and it did not end well.

5) Scrawled neatly into the window:

      Couldn’t be friends
      So you traded beds
      Then you came back
      But brought bugs
      What the fuck?

6) “It was cold. Winter was nothing like the way it was at home. They joked, their backs ached and they ached to go back, but this was work, driving spikes, blasting rock, doing manly things. But many had died because it was dangerous, but that was ok, home was dangerous too, but over there, they died respected as men. Here, it was different. It was winter, and they were cold. They had asked for winter coats and gloves, but they had not gotten them. They were cold, it was winter, and they no longer joked about their backs aching, they were too cold to joke. Winter had only just begun, and then they decided, they would no longer work until their coats and gloves came. ‘Too bad,’ said the boss, and then they all died, pushed over the cliff. No work was done over the winter, and when spring came, others came and finished the railroad.” The little boy started to wail. “Why did you tell me this story Grampa?” “No, no, it’s not finished. It’s a joke!” Grampa gesticulated wildly in the air. “See, the gloves and the jackets, there were hundreds of them, all made from the finest furs and sheepskins, packed all ready to go… packed inside a railroad car! But they couldn’t get it to the men because they didn’t finish the railroad so the gloves and jackets couldn’t get to them! See!” Needless to say, the boy did not cease crying.

[Close your eyes. Real tight. Imagine there are 41 similar type things between here. Pretend that you have just read them. Ok. Open your… CHEATER!]

…

48) Two men were talking loudly on the subway car. They were talking about whether OJ still needed our love. The lady next to them rolled her eyes and smiled. A baby cooed in its stroller. When the officer who was in the next car over came in and approached the men, the men shrugged. One said something and soon the car was stopped, people backed away nervously, and soon everyone was late twenty minutes to their destinations except for one of the men who was hauled away for talking too loud and would not reach his final destination for quite some time.

49) He looked her way for quite some time. Finally, he unhooked the thumbs from his blue jean suspenders and approached her. “Hi Benny,” he said. Her friend piped up, “Her name’s Becky, not Benny.” He turned away and got off at the next stop, spending the rest of the afternoon wandering aimlessly with a smile on his face.

50) He sat there, dozing off until the fat lady leaned against. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” he asked. She breathlessly murmured, “I’m tired. Is it ok?” “No, it really isn’t,” he replied. He stared her down, and she stared at him. Later, as he was dozing off again, she leaned in again. He could feel the weight of her breasts, his arms supporting them like a spongy bra for the most infinitesimal of seconds. He got out, quickly at the next stop, and walked 45 minutes home, unsure how to feel.